Confessions of a Sceptic

A little bit of self reflection

2010-02-05T21:11:00.004Z

Navel gazing is not something I do a lot of, probably because I haven't seen my navel for nigh on fifteen years. Poor me!

My slightly addictive personality gets me into trouble. Recently, on a Forum I was baited back into posting by some remarkably thick comments. And once drawn in, it's difficult (for me anyway) to back down. If I do, they think they've won! And we can't be having that, can we?!

But is winning the argument all that important?

I've found that I've been more obsessive and more wound up. And for what!

So I've taken the bold step of stepping back. Taking a deep breath and trying not to let it bother me. Let them think they've won. Let them! Life's too short to be worrying about the unimportant. There's too much to be done and not enough time to do it in.

But......... just for the record.........he was well wrong.

Advent - Christmas has it coming!

2009-11-26T20:03:00.002Z

We're close to hitting Advent, and what has actually become the de facto Christmas - the Season of Christmas now lasts a couple of days while Advent is now the new Christmas.

Before too long the usual run of Nativity plays will soon be warmed to perfection, as parents and grandparents alike will be oohing and aahing their way through innumerable Crimbo dramas.

But what are they actually watching? Is it history? Are they the eyewitness accounts that most people believe they are?

The answer is no.

What we normally watch on school stages up and down the land are a melded version of the Nativity myth. People assume that what they are seeing is what happened. I don't think it is, but does that make it any less 'true'?

First things first. We need to remember that the layout of the New Testament in the Bible is not its correct chronological order. Yes, it's true that Jesus preceded Paul and his letters, but that's not the order the NT was written in:
Paul's letters 50-62CE
Mark 65CE
Matthew/Luke 75CE
John 80-90CE

These are approximate dates but rather conservative ones too.

So what do we learn about the miraculous birth of Jesus from Paul (the earliest NT writer)? The answer is nothing! The only thing that Paul says about Jesus' birth was that he was "born of a woman" (Gal 4:4). Note he doesn't say 'born of a virgin', but 'born of a woman' - a bit like you and me, and every human that ever lived.

The earliest Gospel writer, Mark, doesn't have a birth narrative.

Matthew and Luke both have birth narratives but they're not the same. Matthew has Magi - Luke doesn't. Luke has angels and Shepherds - Matthew doesn't. Jesus' birth is announced to Joseph in a dream in Matthew - Jesus' birth is announced to Mary by an angel in Luke. Post birth, the family flees to Egypt to avoid the slaughter of the innocents by Herod in Matthew, only coming back when he dies - they head to Nazareth to live in Luke, only stopping in Jerusalem for a dedication at the Temple (no mention is made in Luke of the murder of the male infants).

John doesn't have a birth narrative either.

Now what does this mean? At face value you have a 'no-yes-yes-no' pattern. So what! Two people mention it, and two don't.

But you need to remember the order they were written. That's the important part. You need to look at the Gospel writers and when they proclaim Jesus as God's Son:
Mark (65CE) Jesus proclaimed Divine at his baptism
Matthew/Luke (75CE) Jesus proclaimed divine at his birth
John (80-90CE) Jesus proclaimed divine before his birth.

Paul has nothing about Jesus' life. As the interpretation of Jesus continues through time, his divinity is pushed further and further back until you get to John who states a pre-existent Christ.

And that's why the Nativity plays we all watch are not history - they are INTERPRETATION. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Mythology is NOT history. But because it's not history doesn't make it less true.

And so I enjoy the story of Jesus' birth, but I don't believe it. And so I enjoy it even more.

Cold, hard statistics tell it all

2009-07-04T20:52:00.005Z

I think it was Oscar Wilde who said "He knew the price of everything, but the value of nothing".

Recently I did a Wedding for an 'out of town' couple. It required the usual amount of 'work' - a bit of face-to-face stuff and the typical sort of 'desk' work. It also required some lifting, polishing, hoovering, etc as we don't have a church cleaner. Then there was the Big Day itself with all its stresses and strains.

Before the actual Wedding I was asked the fee for the Church as well as my own fee. I replied that the suggested donation for the Church was £150, and I was waiving my fee, but if the family wished to give me something then I'd prefer it if they put something into our Building Fund. The Wedding Co-ordinator I was dealing with told me to expect quite a generous envelope.

Come the actual Wedding I was handed an envelope with a cheque enclosed for £150.

Now, what have I to complain about, you might ask? 'Surely you got what you were suggesting was an appropriate amount!'

Well yes, that's true. But let's put it into a little context. From what I heard the entire Wedding (and this was a BIG Wedding) cost somewhere in the region of £250, 000. Now that's a lot of money. The donation to the Church (which remember was to include my fee) amounted to £150. That works out at 0.06% of the total expenditure.

Did the Church Service constitute 0.06% of the total day? Did it account for 0.06% of the work to make the Wedding what it was?

What the donation reveals is the extent to which the 'Church' part of the couple's day played a meaningful role. Everything else was a 'no expense spared' affair. When it came to the Church, the bare minimum sufficed.

Now I realise that this sounds very much like sour grapes. But it's not! I just felt used and abused. I wasn't to gain financially from any sort of generous donation, but I did feel that the £150 reflected the seriousness with which the Church part of the Big Day was seen.

In my little Church it is precisely those who do not have so much who are the ones that provide so generously, both of their time and their money. I hope I have a newer and richer view of those who sit in the pews wekk in and week out.

Today I discovered that while money can get you plenty of things, it doesn't buy you respect.

Very much list-ing to one side

2009-03-21T20:41:00.002Z

Global Rich List

This was both interesting and thought provoking. It has stopped me complaining about petty things - for a couple of hours anyway

Only a Theory

2009-03-07T10:32:00.004Z

I've just fairly recently finished reading Kenneth Miller's wonderful book Only A Theory which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was his follow up to the equally, if not more successful book Finding Darwin's God, which I also lapped up.

Ken Miller is a orthodox Christian (oh to be one of those!) who is also an orthodox Darwinian. He sees no difficulties with synchronising his faith with his Science. As a Scientist he has been a Prof in Brown University for around 20 years. He's also involved with High School students, in that he co-authored at least one Biology Textbook that's found its way into most of the Schools in America.

His Science is impeccable and his belief in the Scientific method equally stringent. But he's also a Christian who takes his faith very seriously, and that's why he's been at the forefront of the most recent Creationist/Intelligent Design Court 'battles' - most notably Kitzmiller v. Dover in 2005. But why does he pound so hard on the Creationists/IDers? Does he want to destroy Faith? As a Christian I'd imagine not. Why he is so opposed is because he sees their particular understanding of Faith as trying to destroy Science and Reason. That's why he's so active in any campaign to prevent Creationism/ID from ever being considered an alternative Scientific view - it's not Science, it's Theology (and only one interpretation of theology at that).

Science and Faith are not in conflict but neither do they make easy bedfellows, as Science deals with the Natural, while Faith deals with those things outside of the Natural world (ie. the Supernatural). To try and clumsily mesh the two together is a recipe for disaster. That is evident from the Creationists approach - trying to demonstrate that Science and a literal understanding of Genesis are compatible. This clearly doesn't work because if it were true (and 'truth' is something that has prime position in Science) then it would've already be shown to be true and then adopted into Science. The fact that this hasn't happened speaks volumes for the Creationist/ID desire.

It's interesting to read the words of Augustine, some 1,600 years ago - I've added comment in [].

Even a non-Christian knows something about the earth, the heavens...the kinds of animals, shrubs, stones, and so forth [in other words Science, though it would be another1,300 years until anyone put that specific label on it], and this knowledge he holds to as being certain from reason and experience. Now it is a disgraceful and dangerous thing for an infidel to hear a Christian, presumably giving the meaning of Holy Scripture, talking nonsense on these topics [Science]; and we should take all measures to prevent such an embarrassing situation, in which people show up vast ignorance in a Christian and laugh it to scorn

Creationism/ID is dangerous because it threatens two things:

it threatens to halt Theological exploration because it views it as "done and dusted" a couple of millennia ago, and
it threatens to make us stupid(er). No longer will we have to investigate and improve, because if Fundamentalists had their way then the Supernatural would be considered part and parcel of the Scientific process (which of course deals only with the Natural). As Ken Miller said once in a TV interview - if the Creationists won Kitzmiller v. Dover then Biology would be the easiest and quickest subject in School, because you'd walk into class and the Teacher would announce "God did it! Class dismissed." The rest of the day/term/year would be your own

This is why I rail so loudly against this form of Religious understanding. I believe people deserve better.

2 days too late, but never mind

2008-12-27T20:14:00.003Z

It made me laugh

Bah, mint humbugs!

2008-12-16T14:27:00.003Z

I saw this on another blog and decided that since it's nearly Christmas I could steal with impunity - so I did.

This raises a number of questions that should test a religious parent. Namely, is it all right to tell the kids about Santa, and THEN tell them when they're older that it's all a story to make them feel good?

I don't want to appear like some sort of Grinch, but it does create problems. Doesn't it!?

Monks Get Cross

2008-11-09T20:52:00.002Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7718596.stm

When Monks attack!

Health and Safety gone nuts

2008-11-08T18:37:00.003Z

The Burger Van at local football matches do the same thing - not give out half cooked chips, though that is true. No, what I'm talking about is the practice of removing plastic bottle tops after you've bought them.

Upon asking a Burger Van proprietor why this was necessary I was told that it was because of health and safety. There was a worry that the bottle tops might be used to throw at players/refs. She told me this as she was handing me my change in the form of pound coins - ideal missiles for throwing at the players/ref, and more likely to cause real harm.

No health and safety concerns over coinage eh!

Tempted to use the 'C' word

2008-11-04T23:02:00.002Z

After all the hubbub concerning the BBC and Ross/Brand I was surprised to hear the 'C' word uttered tonight, and by none other than Jeremy Paxman!

Right in front of a guest and directly into his lapel mic Paxman said that McCain 'Could' win the election. I was shocked and immediately contacted the Daily Mail.

The idea of McCain winning is as appealing as contemplating a third Dubya term. What's most frightening about the prospect of John McCain becoming President is not him or his policies per se, but his age. And it's not an ageist thing. The worry is that a man of his age might die in office, and then the Hockey Mom would become President. Sarah Palin in office would be a de facto George W third term.

There seems to be a genuine sense of hope in America today - a sense that a new start might be in the offing. A sense that the utter fuck-up of the Bush Disaster will be consigned to history, or at least will be dealt with, but that might take more then two terms to do.

I've never been so excited about a US election before. I only hope that what happens tomorrow becomes the catalyst for real change both in America and consequently in the world.

Branded as bad men?!

2008-10-29T22:48:00.003Z

Oscar Wilde probably said something quite pithy about shagging a friends granddaughter, but if he did I didn't hear it.

Today Russell Brand took one for the team, and Jonathan Ross made an abject apology in an effort to save his salary, or at least to do a bit of damage limitation on his career. I listened to the podcast of the Radio 2 show (as a regular subscriber to it I might add, and not an enraged Daily Mail reader who wanted to achieve a suitably high blood pressure before complaining to the Beeb) and while it crossed many lines of taste, it was actually quite funny. It seemed to me to be two silly boys stuck in a room with an old cassette recorder being rude and silly. A moderate Derek and Clive for the 21st century. It really amounted to two egos sparking off each other. Of course it was going to get 'sexual' - it always does! Jonathan Ross DID transgress when he swore. Russell Brand DID transgress when he talked about Andrew Sachs granddaughter. Yes they took it too far, and yes, they caused great offense to Andrew Sachs himself, and for that they should hand their heads in shame.

But wait a minute. Let's take a measured look at what happened.

It was a pre-recoreded show, therefore someone at an editorial level decided not only to edit it, but also to release it in the form that caused so much 'offence'.
There were only 2 or 3 complaints on the night of the broadcast. That swelled to 27,000 by this time today. That means that the 26,998 who didn't complain on the night must have listened to the show via the podcast, or through BBC iPlayer, or, as is more likely, 'heard' it second or third hand through some other outraged friend.
You know what you're going to get with Russell Brand. That's not an attempt to excuse the content of his last radio show - there's no justification for leaving what he left on Andrew Sach's mobile phone. What he said was wrong and while his apology was late, I fell it was genuine (genuine, because it wasn't an attempt to save his job, but was made after the announcement that he was resigning). Those who listened in 'live' or who downloaded the podcast were well aware of the sort of thing they were going to get.

Are Russell and Jonathan bad men? Stupid, yes. Juvenile, yes. Thoughtless, yes. Bad, no.

We're in the middle of a Credit Crunch where repossessions of people's homes are up 70% from the same period last year. We're in a situation where Environmentalists are talking about having reached 'tipping point' for our planet. Cancer and other life threatening diseases are on the increase. War and poverty continue to wreck the lives of the most vulnerable people on our planet. Ross says "fuck" and Brand says "I shagged your granddaughter". Not good. But surely not all that bad.

Is democracy wasted on the thick?

2008-10-29T22:09:00.004Z

So the National Television Awards have been and gone, and we all thank God they've gone away for at least another 365 days. This annual live televisual event continues to illustrate why democracy never works.

The majority of award shows are voted by a panel of 'experts'. Now you might well question the qualifications of such 'experts' but nevertheless they normally have some experience or expertise that allows them to make a decision regarding winners and losers. Not so for the National Television Awards. They are voted on by the great unwashed, the hoi polpoi. And it shows. It is, of course tarted up - there's no such thing as 'Soaps' in the NTA. No siree, bob! They've become continuing serial dramas. Well, excuse me!!

It reduced TV to the common denominator - the vulgar base. It was a school-yard popularity contest, except this one was conducted via text message and website. Judging from the short-listed programs in each categories there didn't seem to be a consideration for what might have actually been the best produced piece of programming. Instead, I believe, people looked at a category and thought "do I know anyone in that program?" or possibly "do I like anyone in that program?". I also noticed that there was no documentary category, however there was a "factual" section, that was occupied by Gordon Ramsey, Top Gear, and The Apprentice (I thought that was a reality show?!?).

The whole thing was a toe curling experience, and it's not just me being snobbish. It was live and so it needed to be sharp, especially if humour was going to be employed. Sadly, it wasn't. And Sir Trevor MacDonald didn't help. I've no idea why he's chosen year in, year out. He a personable fellow, but he seems to lack a personality - and the best gag writers can't do anything to help him. It's a bit like putting an Elastoplast on a severed jugular.

And that's why democracy is such a good idea - in principle! But not in practice. God knows who/what people will pick if they have a choice. You don't believe me!? Let me just say 'Arnold Swartzenegger' or 'George W Bush'. 'Nuff said?

There's nothing wrong with people having a choice and making a decision so long as they take it seriously and make a considered one. Look at the current US Elections. With only 6 days left before the vote, Republican and Democratic candidates are treading very carefully and speaking with utter care. Why? Because they know that the slightest ill judged phrase, or word out of turn can change a voter's ballot box decision. In other words, when polling day arrives they know that the hoi poloi will wander into the booths and say to themselves, "who do I like more?", not "who will be the best leader for my country?".

Youth is wasted on the young, just as democracy is wasted on the masses.

Strictly Come Off It!

2008-10-15T18:35:00.004Z

'Strictly' is one of my guilty little secrets. If anyone asks me do I watch it, I reply "I've never seen it!". The truth, of course, is much darker. I never watch it.......intentionally. I'm in front of the telly when it's on, but I'm always too busy reading, or typing to be truly watching it. I suppose it's more a question of keeping an eye on it.

It's one of those love-hate things. Bruce Forsythe gets right on my tits and I'd love to slowly throttle him with Tess Daly joining in so the two of us could look at the camera, Forsythe's near limp body in our clenched fists, while we both say, "Keeeeeeeeep strangling!".

As with most of these reality TV programs they have a habit of sucking you into them. I think it's because you get to watch people in their highs and lows, and see them progress in their desire to win, or at least improve. And I do have my favourites - ah.....Ola!

But have these shows had their day? And are they becoming more about the Panel of Judges than the contestants?

Reality is hard enough without turning it into a game show. Apart from The Family on Channel 4 which is a real reality show, most of them are actually an escape from reality. There's a cosiness and security that draws you in and says, "In this tough, tough world, where the Credit Crunches hardest, and the Winters of Discontent last for 12 months at a time, why not come into our safe little world where even the harsh word of a Judge will always be balanced out by the boos of the crowd".

And it's a temptation that many of us, myself included, find hard to resist. So come on Ola! Come on John! Eat sh*t and die Brendan! You've made my Saturday that little bit less real. Thanks.

Lucky I'm not Superstitious

2008-10-07T15:54:00.005Z

Yet more gout, so I'm stuck in with my feet up - it's a hard life I know! Have just finished watching Deal or No Deal. For those who do not the idea of the game it is very simple. People are allocated random boxes with amounts of money in them ranging from 1p to £250,000 and then one of them is selected to play. They bring their box to the front with the unknown amount in it. In each round the player selects 3 boxes to eliminate and at the end of the round 'the Banker' phones up and offers the player a sum of money to buy their box. The player can choose to Deal (accept the Banker's offer) or No Deal (continue on with the game).

Essentially it's a guessing game. There's no real skill involved other than knowing when to cut your losses if things go pear shaped. There is an element of gambling in it, but basically you pick a box at random and see how it goes.

But because humans are involved it becomes more than a game. People arrive with 'a system', either picking odds then evens, or more usually numbers that have a personal significance e.g. birthdays, anniversaries, house numbers etc. At other times people hold hands before a box is opened, or else they other contestants lean to the left or spin around. Anything to try and influence the outcome of the box opening.

B F Skinner famously did an experiment with pigeons where an automated machine dispensed food randomly. The pigeons developed what seemed like particular rituals (which he called "adventitious reinforcement") which correspond to superstitious behaviour. Some pecked at the outlet while others waggled their heads, all seemingly to try and produce food when they performed. Of course, the distribution of food was completely random and what they did had no influence on it at all. Although Skinner's results have been disputed approx. one year ago Derren Brown did a similar experiment with people. A group of men and women were trapped in a room and told that when a digital counter on a wall reached 100 the doors would be unlocked. The counter increased in fits and starts, but pretty soon it was apparent that some people thought that the increase in numbers was due to them doing something - jumping up and down, or whatever.

It's amazing how often we think that particular things that we do have an influence in the physical world. Wearing a certain pair of socks, leaving the house in the same way, touching a piece of wood, rubbing a rabbit's foot can, some say, produce a favourable outcome. Of course this is utter nonsense.

Where does superstition come from? I'm not sure what the official line is on this one, but I'd imagine that it stems from an ego-centric worldview: a worldview that believes that the Universe owes us a living, or that we can control our environment.

In Deal or No Deal, when a superstitious behaviour "produces" a favourable then it is hailed as a good system. When it fails, it isn't really mentioned or dwelt on. The reality is that it's neither a good system, nor a bad one as the process is entirely random. The lady who won £75,000 today stated that she'd had some sort of dream in which she wrote herself a cheque for £75k. And she did. The dream was hailed as something special. If she hadn't won £75k but the £5 instead I'm sure it wouldn't have been mentioned.

I find this sort of behaviour with regards to prayer. People, very genuine people I might add, do believe that prayers changes the physical world. This is especially true when it comes to illness. People pray for the sick person, and if they recover it is hailed as the result of their prayers, but if it doesn't then it's ignored or an alternative positive spin put on it. Again, I think, this is a manifestation of a human/ego-centric worldview: that in this massive Universe of ours the Deity would want to intervene to help us find our car keys.

For me, prayer doesn't change the world around us, but rather it changes us. It helps us to cope with all the crap that life throws at us. It gives us hope, and strength, and a sense of purpose. But does it change a diagnosis, or alter an exam result, or secure a job? No. But it does give us the inner resources to deal with such things. Brown did a similar type of experiment with humans trying to win enough 'points' to get out of a room. Brown's results with people mirror those of Skinner's with pigeons.

It's going swimmingly

2008-10-03T22:22:00.003Z

Today I was with Ben and Amanda for a quick dip in the rather chilly baby-monkey pool at our local Baths (how old am I!!!). Swimming is not something that comes all that naturally to me. And that's strange, because physically you'd think I'd float without a problem, what with all the fat surrounding me. But oddly it seems that my legs float to the surface of the pool. My arse sinks, but my legs float. It is the oddest thing!

Humans have always been fascinated by water. Not me mate! I can swim okay and I have the Badges to prove it, but I don't like being out of my depth. And I don't like the idea of all sorts of beasties swimming unseen beneath my feet (this, of course, applies to swimming in the sea, but not always!). Maybe it's a control thing. Very possibly. Not being able to put your foot on the floor puts you in a very pivotal situation - either you swim, or you sink. Maybe not as grave a situation as that, but the general principle is sound. John Ortberg's book could be easily retitled "If You Want To Have A Nice Swim, You've Got To Take Your Foot Off The Bottom".

Feeling safe is one thing, but it can only preserve life. Pushing off can be scary, but it's the only way to experience real living.

No-one's going to make a monkey out of me...........again!

2008-10-01T21:57:00.002Z

I don't know why I do it?!? It happens time and time again, and every time I say the same thing to myself - "I can give it up! It wouldn't cost me a thought!". But here I am again. Feeling just as sullied and unclean as before.

I seem to be obsessed with a particular Evangelical Forum. When I read the posts my blood boils and my faith in intelligent Christians fades. For a while I stopped posting stuff, mainly because I was so disgusted at the attitudes and illogicality of those who were keen to air their opinions. And I did stop posting anything for about a month, until tonight! A sweet, but rather dim-witted woman was deriding Evolution with the usual "if evolution is true why are monkeys still monkeys?" Oh the high level of ignorance displayed.

Recently I've been reading up Evolution, and more especially reading stuff that tries to square the avalanche of evidence for Evolution with new thinking on God. When I say "reading" I really mean of course "I've just ordered it from Amazon". When I receive it, and actually read it, I'll post my thoughts.

In my modest research around the subject I'm amazed how many people (mainly Creationists I have to say, though not always) have a binary attitude to the Evolution debate - you have to either accept it or reject it. This seems to be a rather draconian outlook. In Process Theology there is no real problem with Evolution - indeed, it is heartily embraced. But PT does require you to adjust your view of God. No harm with that, says I!

To my mind, the case for Evolution is massive. There is no case for Creationism, as you cannot claim that finding fault with an opposite argument in any way validates your own - the fallacy of false dichotomy I think it's called.

Why not embrace the Science, bite the bullet, and reject the Bronze Age thinking. Surely it takes more faith to move forward with new knowledge and adapt beliefs accordingly, than clinging desperately to ancient irrelevancies no matter what the facts are?!

Forest For Rest

2008-09-24T22:07:00.004Z

As it was a glorious day (and we don't get too many of those here in Ireland!) I thought I'd go for a walk in Cairn Wood, which is half way between Bangor and the Craigantlet hills if you take the back roads. As it was 11.30am there weren't too many people around so I was able to walk along some of its designated paths in absolute silence. Bliss! I took my mobile along with me, and whilst I couldn't get a signal I was still able to use the camera, and so I took around 20 or 30 pictures.

I was just blown away by the beauty of the place. I walked among the trees aware of Nature and my place within it. I felt like a little cog, but a little cog in the huge, enormous, beautiful machine that is our planet.

On the way in there was a noticeboard that gave some general info about the area and the walks around the Wood. After skimming down the blurb my eye caught a tag-line from the Forestry Commission. It read, "Kill only time, leave only footprints, and take away only memories".

It was so simple, and yet so beautiful. And it reminded me that life is so simple and so beautiful. Yes it can be complicated, and yes it can be dark and distressing, but yes it is simple and beautiful. Only we make it unnecessarily complicated. And at that moment I was drawn to the Bible, and to a passage in Micah:

"He has told you, O mortal, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God? "

I only hope that I can do that. Forget doctrines and creeds. Forget theology in all its convoluted forms. Forget religion and denominations. Faith can be simple and Faith can be beautiful. ANd so can we. Amen.

Tats the End of Tat

2008-09-21T19:19:00.004Z

What a day it was today!! The sun was shining and people were bustling round Bangor. So I went down to the seafront where there was a car boot sale opposite the Marina. Having nothing much to do I pottered round the various stalls.

What I encountered could only be explained via the word "tat". Well, maybe "tat" is unfair. "Dirty tat" is closer to the mark.

It looked like people had cleared out their attics, sorted through their stuff, throwing out the rubbish and selling what's left at the car boot sale.

I noticed a number of visitors (I presumed by the accents) and my heart sank. Not because they were here, but because they were being subjected to a sub-standard Jumble Sale. What must they have thought! I remember wandering round the Flea Market in Amsterdam and it being anything but that. It was well organised and had a great variety of stalls selling all sorts of things. It was a lovely Sunday experience.

Pirated DVDs and second-hand toys (that could do with a wipe with a damp cloth) were the best on offer today. It was rather embarrassing to say the least.

If North Down wants to improve its Tourist appeal then things like the car boot sale need to be taken under its control. Car boot sales are fine for Church car parks and the like, but you'd expect something better, or better regulated, for the town centre.

A Game Of Two Halves Nots

2008-09-20T21:01:00.002Z

Now let's get one thing straight from the very beginning! I quite like football, especially local football, but I don't live and die by the League Table. If my team does well, so be it. If it does badly, well, it's not the end of the world.

And that's a good thing, because at the moment Bangor FC have had an appalling run of luck. I say luck, but for a football team to have a run of bad luck they need to have an initial talent base from which their 'bad luck' seems so unfair.

Bangor started the Season quite well, actually topping the League Table for a week. But all that changed when other teams started playing games of football. Poor Bangor's last 4 matches have been lost, scoring only one goal, and letting a staggering fourteen in! Fourteen!!It's been a massacre. Bereft of mercy the last 2 Home games were both 0-5. And they have the cheek to charge £11 to get in - it's £9 if you want to stand, but at my age...........

I've never understood people (men usually) who's mood rises and falls depending on the results from the Premiership, 1st Division, or wherever. Yes it's good to have a hobby and it's good to show loyalty to a team, but please people! A bit of perspective!

What Bangor FC teaches me is never to give up hope. Yes, they can be rather poor. Yes, they can disappoint on a regular basis. Yes, the 'Club Shop' is never open so I can buy a scarf. Yes, it's mainly supported by older men. Yes, the burger van has a poor vegetarian selection. But more importantly, yes, there's nothing quite like a live match, and the sense of camaraderie is lovely (more like 'misery loves company' most Saturdays).

While things are bad now, there's every chance that things will improve, and even a chance, fairly remote I realise, that some massive win will unexpectedly be pulled off. I text a friend every game I'm at to keep him up to date as he lives in Manchester, and strangely the National Sports Headlines don't include the JJB Sports Northern Irish Premiership results. BBC! Why, oh why, oh why, oh why! What he said to me was this, "It is only by coming thru the pain and misery of being a bangor fan that we can truly appreciate the joy of the occasional victory!"

Wise words my friend, wise words.

Making No Bones Of It

2008-09-17T19:42:00.003Z

Like Paul on the Road to Domestos I had an epiphanal moment. Not quite 'on the road' but more like parked in the drive.

I was thinking about fossils and how Creationists say that all fossils are as a direct result of the global flood of Noah. All very sweet. Ah, bless!

Then it struck me. If fossils were formed via the Flood (ah, bless!) then why are there only dinosaurs and other prehistoric fossils? If the flood wiped out all life and it occurred only 4-6,000 years ago, then why aren't there fossils of cows, lions, sheep, donkeys, horses and other modern animals in with the dinosaurs in the same strata?!? And why not humans too?!?

I know Creationists (ah, bless!) talk about animals floating and sinking at different stages, hence the dinosaurs appear lower (and therefore older) but as Ken Ham has said (ah, bless!) the bulk of the dinosaurs were actually quite small - that's why Noah could get them on the Ark (ah, bless!). If that is the case, then why aren't there small dinosaurs fossils alongside the fossils of similarly sized modern animals? Surely they would've sank at the same rate/time?

Oddly enough, there aren't any! Indeed, I'm not aware of any modern animal fossils being found.

Don't you just love Creationists?! Ah, bless!

A Pick of the Pics

2008-09-13T20:27:00.004Z

It's all Downhill from here

2008-09-13T20:10:00.003Z

Today I spent the most pleasant couple of hours in my own company. Normally I'm fairly good about being alone, but usually crave some sort of human contact after a while but today was different. After watching Bangor getting a 3-1 thrashing by Coleraine I needed a 'nice' experience.

I drove along to Downhill beach and walked along it for around half an hour. It was a calm day, not sunny but not cold either. Lots of people were about and a few families were having BBQs on the sand. People were fishing or playing games. It was a lovely atmosphere. From Downhill you can see Mussenden Temple, and it was there where I next walked.

The air was crisp and the smell of the sea was pleasant in my nostrils. The setting sun lit up the clouds with a beautiful reddy glow, and it was silent. Absolutely silent. It was almsot a 'spiritual' experience. It reminded me that the North Coast, and especially the Downhill area, is my little Heaven on earth. If God were ever to take holidays, I'm sure S/He would rent a little cottage there. I don't think I could ever tire from a place like it and it did my soul good to walk there. Many, many pleasant memories flooded through me, and I must admit I did feel a little emotional. There was a sense of oneness with Nature - nothing really mattered - nothing was really important other than enjoying being there and enjoying being alive. I snapped away with my little camera phone and will post a selection of them so that you can enjoy a taste of what I had.

Will we be Cern-tain?

2008-09-09T21:38:00.003Z

It's the eve of something big. Something really big. In fact, it could be a big bang, or possibly a damp squib. The particle accelerator at Cern will be fired up and ready to roll tomorrow. Along a tube some 27 kms long, two particles will be shot at almost the speed of light towards each other. The data that is gathered will hopefully tell us something about what happened in the first one billionth of a second after the Big Bang.

And that's as far as my knowledge goes. I always regret not pursuing Physics beyond O-Level but I didn't have the Maths, and you need the Maths. Nevertheless, I continue to have an armchair interest in Science, to the point where I'm genuinely excited about what might be discovered after tomorrow. My worry is that it won't deliver the hype that's been generated, predominately by the press. My other worry is that if nothing significant is discovered then all that money will have been for nought: some £5 billion as far as I'm aware. Now I realise that 5 billion is the cost of a couple of weeks in Iraq, and even if Cern produces nothing it will be a thousand times better than what's been achieved via the 'war' there.

So I wait with baited breath. In response to the Daily Mail article that said we'll all die in a black hole, I'll leave posting off this month's credit card payment. Seems best.

Not a total Disaster Movie

2008-09-06T22:22:00.003Z

Just back form the cinema with the kids having been treated to 90 mins of my life that'll I'll never get back. It was "Disaster Movie" by name and by nature. When did parody sink so low?! And why wasn't I told!?

It's not often that I sit through a film that contains NO redeeming features. There has to be a first I suppose. This was it. Live and learn!

The only good thing I can think about this appalling evening (no reflection on Dan or Soph here) was that I saw a poster advertising another film, "the boy in the striped pyjamas", a film about a young boy in a Concentration Camp.

It just goes to show you that there's no such thing as a a complete wipeout. If I hadn't been at Disaster Movie I would never have seen the other poster. Not a complete disaster then.

Hallelujah! times a thousand

2008-08-30T09:49:00.004Z

A couple of nights ago, spurred on by reading William Crawley's bog, from which the above pic is taken, I watch a live streaming from one of the healing services from the Elim Christian Centre in Belfast. Very much like the Lakeland 'Revival' stuff, in fact in Belfast they claim that it's as a result of Lakeland, the services in Belfast have run every evening for the last two and a half months.

On Wednesday and Thursday Joshua Mills took time out of his busy schedule (I've no reason to doubt this) to do 2 nights in Belfast. Mills comes from the Extreme Prophecies stable which is heavily into 'signs and wonders' which include the appearance of gold and sapphire dust, oil, diamonds, angel feathers and such like. It also includes healings, imparted anointing, prophecy, and so on.

Previously I've seen footage of various Shamen whipping people into frenzies from which they experience all sorts of things - the 'supernatural' if you will. Psychologists will tell you it's all to do with expectancy and allowing yourself to get into a suggestible state. In such a state you can 'see' and 'experience' all manner of stuff which you genuinely believe to be real, but which doesn't pass mustard in the cold light of day. Mills is a slightly tubby, slightly camp American Shaman.

Joshua Mills claims that people have experienced weight loss, whitening of teeth, appearance of gold fillings, healings of all descriptions at his revival meetings. Gold dust, looking suspiciously like glitter but no-one has actually analysed what it really is, has appeared on his hands and jacket. Oil has flowed from his hands, or possibly from out the tubes up his sleeves.

On Thursday he emphasised the power of the Hallelujah. Indeed, he used the word frequently, and I mean frequently - possibly six or seven hundred times in the space of two hours. It punctuated almost every other sentence he spoke. And boy did he speak. He hardly took a breath.

Stage hypnotists, and people like Derren Brown, use something called "anchoring": a technique where a particular word or touch is anchored, or linked, to a suggestion. The 'victim' is put into a light hypnotic state and the suggestion is implanted via the anchoring. The anchor will then trigger the suggestion in the subconscious of the individual. That's why in Derren Brown's programs people believe they have a free choice, whereas they've actually been conditioned to choose the card, envelope, whatever, that he wants them to choose.

Pastor Brian warmed up the cried shouting "Are you ready to see God at work!". When the cry of 'yes' wasn't loud enough he asked them the same question again. There was then a time of worship led by a loud rock band where there was singing and also prayers. Pastor Brian prayed by shouting into a mic(!) while the band continued to bash out a beat. By the time Josh stood to speak the crowd were well warmed up, but more importantly, they were expectant.

Then Joshua spoke for 2 hours. He talked of miracles. He talked of power. He talked of healing. He talked of the supernatural. He talked of change and glory. All these things were punctuated with "Hallelujah....Hallelujah....Hallelujah". The anchoring was done. He spoke so quickly that no-one had time to process and think about anything he said which was lucky for him as he made ridiculous claims (the power of the Hallelujah brought his house plant back to life; the power of the Hallelujah enabled him to lay hands of healing on Fluffy the dog). By the time people were queueing for healing the power of the anchoring Hallelujah was so deeply implanted that they 'experienced' healing. They were expectant, whipped up, and hungry and so they believed whatever they wanted to believe, or whatever they were told to believe.

You may ask, O kind reader, and by the way, thanks for sticking with me thus far, why I'm so sceptical about Joshua and his like. A reasonable question. Why can't I leave him, and the hapless gullible fools who lap up his bullshit alone, and instead let them be happy in their delusion.

Last week the 7 year old daughter of people who lived down the street was buried. She was diagnosed with a brain tumour in December 2007 and died in August 2008. No miracles. No gold dust. No power of the Hallelujahs. God wasn't to be found in that house in any healing capacity. Allegedly He is in places where Mills and others are - there in bucket loads. But not where He is needed. Not in that little girl's home.

My anger is because some people will be so convinced and deluded that they will say that real healing occurs, but won't be able to see the factors that cause people to pretend to see it. For them it is freak shows like the Mills spectacle that is proof of God's healing power. Would not greater proof of healing be in the quiet and despair of the 7 year old's house rather than in the self-induced and deliberately enhanced emotional and hypnotic whirlwind of these revival meetings?! Why does God fail to do what is needed for her, yet seems to turn up big time only when particular people claim to have certain gifts. To compound the cynicism, Joshua quoted from Corinthians ("God loves a cheerful giver") as the bucket was passed around and also informed people they could donate online (and if they were writing a cheque could they please make it out to ECC). God can't/won't heal unless He is properly funded.

When not being sick is really sick

2008-08-29T17:13:00.002Z

Who is this, you might ask? Well, actually many people did, and they were supposed to have known him. His name is Michael Guglielmucci and until recently he was a Pastor in Sydney.

In 2006 he announced to his congregation that he had an aggressive form of cancer which was terminal. Since then he has appeared in church wearing an oxygen tube and wrote a song, "Healer", which was included on the latest Hillsong worship compilation CD. Updates were guven regarding his condition, including the news that various secondary cancers were discovered.

Then, approx. one week ago it was revealed that his 'illness' was a lie and that there was nothing wrong with him - apart from mental illness. His father, the senior Pastor at Edge Church, revealed that an addiction to pornography had caused massive guilt with Michael, and to take focus off this he invented his cancer. Michael kept the truth not only from his congregation but also from his wife, children, and wider family.

Money that was collected in connection to his claimed 'treatment' was pledged to be returned and Michael is said to be seeking help for the many problems he obviously has.

The usual initial response to this type of deception by a prominent churchman is to condemn him for his actions, but this case seems to be slightly different. Yes, he lied, and yes, many thousands of people were left feeling confused and betrayed, but he didn't act out of a desire for personal gain, nor was it a cold and calculating plan to deceive. The man was just mentally ill and I'm glad he is being treated.

Do we expect those who stand at the front of our churches to be perfect? Do we expect perfection when we ourselves are not perfect? The 'double life' is a fairly common occurrence in the Church and is made all the more juicy when the person caught out is someone who has preached against the very thing that he himself ended up doing (for a wonderful recent example of this why not Google "Michael Reid Ministries"). People like Reid, IMO, deserve the ridicule they get. People like Michael, again IMO, deserve our sympathy and our help. Someone once said that the church is the only organisation that shoots its own wounded. That's very possibly true. Yet another reason to review what we believe and how we 'do' church.

A must read for every Christian

2008-08-27T15:58:00.003Z

Having just finished watching The Genius of Darwin on 4oD (God bless you Channel 4) I thought I'd dig out my copy of the above book. I read it 2 years ago when it was first published and was keen to reacquaint myself with its contents. I'm only just a few dozen pages into it, but without reading it completely for the second time I feel able to raise some of the questions Dawkin's asks.

The main premise of the book is, can the existence of God survive scientific empirical examination, and not to spoil the end for those who haven't read it, but the answer is no.

Bronze age cosmology is not appropriate for today. We, as humans, have had to change the way we think about the Universe. No longer can we be geocentric in our outlook. Neither can we think in terms of a three tiered universe - consequently there is no such thing as "up". As Bishop John Robinson said some 40 years ago, we cannot just shuffle the mental furniture around and pretend we have a new room, we need to get the Transit down to Ikea pronto! (well, he did say the first bit).

No-one likes to have to radically rethink anything. The comfort of the familiar is much more................comfortable!!?! But we do need to rethink and re-evaluate how we frame God. Otherwise we might continue in our delusion.

When raising the dead doesn't just mean Viagra

2008-08-27T15:18:00.004Z

Mortuary Outreach

The above link takes you to a video from an organisation called Extreme Prophecy who are advocating a campaign of Mortuary Outreach. That's right! They're suggesting that Christians go into mortuaries and offer to resurrect the dead. I'll leave you to watch it yourselves, and to be fair the video is not the original but is one which has been edited with comments from another individual. Having said that, the person who put their comments over the original did a grand job, in my opinion.

The question the video poses is where does delusion end and out and out insensitivity begin. The women presenting this video is certainly certain about her certainty, and anyone is entitled to believe what they want. And to that end, I endorse anybody's right to believe the earth is flat, or that unicorns exist, or that, as Bertram Russell posited, that there is an invisible teapot that orbits the Sun. Anyone can believe what they want, provided their belief does not trample over the feelings and sensibilities of others. Hope springs eternal, but false hope can flood the house and ruin everything.

What the Mortuary Outreach team was doing was not raising the dead. Nor will they ever do such a thing. They talked about it. They generated prophecies about it. They speculated about the wonder and awe that would occur when they eventually succeeded. But when they left the building the number of dead people in it remained the same. The only thing they added to the situation was an increase in pain and grief. You can't say they're not generous.

They arrived as happy, clappy fuckwits, and they left as happy, clappy fuckwits, safe within their own delusions. It's the mess they left behind that's the real story here. People who are grieving are at their most vulnerable and would do literally anything to get back the person who has just died. These morons turn up and offer them false hope that this will happen. Straws are presented and duly clutched at. And surprise, surprise, the corpse remains a corpse and the grief remains grief.

Another thing that stays the same is the delusion of the Outreach team. I imagine they could visit a million mortuaries and have a million non-raised bodies and STILL they would believe that the next one would produce a positive outcome. What they don't seem to realise it the harm and hurt they are causing along the way. Some might even go so far as to say that it was a lack of faith on behalf of one of the family members that prevented the resurrection taking place. Or dare I say, an unconfessed sin from the cadaver that's stopping life flowing back again.

Can we not deal with what is real!! Grief is real. Death is real. Resurrection is not.

Being there for the bereaved is real. Supportinng those in pain is real. Presence Ministry is real. Mortuary Outreach is not.

Come into my wing mirror, said the spider to the fly

2008-08-16T20:49:00.004Z

In the top left corner of my wing mirror you can just about make out the body of a spider and part of his web. He is actually one of two - the other one, his cousin I presume, lives in the right hand one.

I've always spotted the webs but never saw the boys in action. Then one day, when I was parked I glimpsed both of them dragging some poor wee sod of a fly behind the glass.

I'm always amazed at how they manage to survive at all! It just shows you how strong the survival instinct is in all life. Life just gets on with it, no matter how tough it is. With this in mind, should we be making it any harder for animals (ourselves included) than absolutely necessary?!

There is an attraction in living simply but also a repulsion. As I sit here typing on my laptop I don't feel 'able' to ditch the creature comforts, even though I know that I don't need 90% of the crap I live with. And yet...........I'm loathe to get rid of things because without them I might feel hard done by.

If I had a simple life then I might not be putting pressure on the rest of Nature. I'm not going to save the world, don't get me wrong, unless I'm Superman and not known it, but I am responsible for me and what I do.

While I ponder the mysteries of Life and living I will keep half an eye out for Incy and Wincy, should there ever make an appearance again. God bless those little guys!

Georgia on my mind

2008-08-13T21:47:00.004Z

The last week has seemed to me like a strange dream. Seven days ago I would've been pushed to pinpoint Georgia on the map. Seven days later and it looks like Russia is pushing to remove bits of it from the map.

The conflict over the breakaway region ofSouth Ossetia is indeed a frightening one. As with these post-Soviet countries, the situation is not quite as simple as the 'big guy vs little guy' scenario that it first appears to be. Ethnic niggles that became more apparent when Georgia broke away from the former Soviet Union spilled over into 'vengeance' attacks and many homes have been burnt and lives lost.

While the US have been strong in their condemnation of Russia there seems, at present anyway, little stomach to do anything than bandy strong words. In the short term there may be some punitive sanctions, but the long term Russia has little to fear because America needs countries like Russia in its so-called War on Terror.

For me, the most frightening thing is that a large and militarily able country like Russia can roll into a small country like Georgia, and nothing be done. It's almost like those horrible Primary School fights that occasionally broke out. Two kids would batter hell out of each other while a sizeable crowd gathered around them, not to pull them apart, but to encourage them on.

The idea of International Law is something of a joke, and not a particularly funny one at that. It seems to be complied with by stronger countries when it suits. It is used to justify attacks on certain regimes but can be blatantly ignored when it becomes a hindrance. The Law is an illusion, International Law doubly so.

Toeing the line

2008-08-07T18:24:00.004Z

Lying in bed has always been something I celebrated, and practiced as often as possible. For the third time in three months I've been in bed with a bout of gout. That's right! Gout!

It reminds me how dependent we are on our feet, especially when we're off them. Gout prevents you from walking so you're restricted to an aching hobble-style of movement. Running is out of the question, and to a 20 month toddler that spells a lot of fun - running so far ahead to be well clear then waiting until his hop-a-long father catches up and then the game of mouse and crippled cat continues. The wee monkey!

If it were all down to steaks and port then I'd have no excuse, but as a vegetarian who hasn't had port in a long while mea non culpa. According to t'InterWeb, the source of all useless knowledge, gout can be triggered by carbonated drinks. Oops! Mea culpa big tempus!

Usually it takes 48 hours to get over this, thanks to the tablets the hospital gave me. So, I should be back on my feet (literally) by the weekend, but may have to visit the quack to see if there's some other cause. Ho hum.

Ooff!

2008-08-03T13:12:00.002Z

I've been thrilling myself recently with the deeply dull yet utterly compelling John Shuttleworth who takes the banal and ordinary things of daily life and makes them warm and engaging. He is a bit like Marmite though, in the sense that there's little by the way of middle ground.

Radio Shuttleworth is definitely worth listening to (repeated on BBC7 - check listings)

eBay gum!

2008-07-28T12:42:00.007Z

It sometimes takes a great leap of faith for me to trust t'InterWeb, especially when it comes to online shopping and the like. So far, I've managed to overcome my distrust of Amazon and use it without a second thought.

It's a different matter, however, when it comes to eBay. Amazon is a big company. eBay has individual nerdy gits trying to offload their tat onto unsuspecting mugs like me. When I order from Amazon it arrives. I don't quite have the same confidence with eBay (even with all the measures they have in place).

So recently I put a bid on a particular gadget. Immediately I was overwhelmed by two conflicting emotions:

oh crap, I might not get this, and
oh crap, I might actually get this

In the past, when I did tentatively bid for something, the moment I was outbid was a moment of great relief - at least I didn't have to see whether it would arrive or not!

Now I realise that hundreds of thousands of people use eBay frequently, and without any problems, but there is that invisible, mental wall to get over. Once over it will no doubt cease to exist, but until then I continue to be plagued with these polemic feelings.

And don't get me started on PayPal!!

You're a right shower! Of meteors!

2008-07-26T08:57:00.006Z

Having looked forward to going to the Armagh Planetarium for ages, Dan, Soph and I journeyed down there in great anticipation. Pre-booking the tickets for the Astronaut show (the website having recommended such an action) we made it just in time to pick them up, and with only a few minutes left to hang around the ridiculously overpriced gift shop.

The show was a bit of a disappointment to be honest. I was hoping for a tour of the Solar System at least. Coupled with this, was the constant nurping of a group of wee kids every time the lights went down. When we subsequently went round the exhibits I can only describe them as 'okay'. Maybe that was because the Show was a let down and my perception of all that the Planetarium had to offer was tainted by that. I'm not sure.

However, there was one jaw dropping experience. As we pottered round things we came across the cases with the meteors in them. There was also a large item sitting out (as pictured). I rose up to my full height of ignorance and confidently announced to the kids that "this isn't real. It's only a cast of it". "This is real" announced the Planetarium employee, as she proceeded to bounce a ten pence piece of it and we all listened to the haunting 'ting' it made as she did it (this was caused by the hollow tubes of iron within it - apparently).

According to the blurb, this meteor, which we all pawed, was approx. 4 billion years old. This bit of rock was older than the bit of Rock it was sitting on! A mind blowing thought, which was why, I suppose, I couldn't stop touching it. This meteor came from the debris of another planet and eventually wound its way through time and space to come crashing down on Earth, only to end up on a plywood plinth in Armagh! Poor sod!

As said before, astronomy and cosmology fascinate me beyond words. They are a constant source of wonder to me. But they also give me a sense of perspective, for through them I realise that the Universe does not revolve around this one planet nor does it revolve around me. But that I am conscious of this fact does make me feel special - humbled, yet special. If all things are truly in God (panentheism), and if God is interested in little 'ole me, then it is a comforting thought that the God of this MASSIVE Universe can find a place for a little fat man in it. Even one who is disappointed with his visit to the Planetarium.

Feeling humbled

2008-07-12T08:32:00.005Z

Last night was the first time since I'd impulse bought my cheap telescope that there was even a partial break in the clouds. So at midnight I hauled my wobbly plastic homage to Galileo to an even surface and set it up.

Seeing only a handful of stars I did my best to point the telescope in the right direction. Because it was a cheap one, precision was out of the question, but EVENTUALLY I managed to locate something in the main lens. With my eyesight it was difficult to know if it was in focus or not but what I saw was mind blowing.

At first I thought it was a planet (aw bless!) but then I realised that everything I looked at couldn't be a planet, so it had to be a star. Having never viewed anything through a telescope I wasn't entirely sure what I should've been seeing. I saw a round object, sort of fuzzy, with more light around its edges than in the middle.

And then it struck me. I was looking at something like our Sun, only this was millions of light years away. The Earth, the Sun, and the other 8 planets were not the centre of the universe. There were others suns, and no doubt other planets, possible similar to the one I was standing on.

Suddenly the Universe seemed very large indeed. As Douglas Adams once said "You might think walking to the Chemists and back is a long way, but it's nothing compared to the expanses of Space" (it's from memory so apologies for its undoubted inaccuracies). There I was. Just a speck, on a speck, looking at another speck through a telescope, surrounded on every side by an infinitesimal number of specks. I can see now why existential angst is so popular! And yet I did not feel alone (any more than usual lol), nor did I feel insignificant or unimportant. In his collection of sermons entitled Shaking the Foundations, Paul Tillich said "Simply accept the fact that you are accepted". God accepts us for who we are because we are, and He is. No conditions, no pre-nups, no bargaining. We are accepted. That is Grace. Even in a big empty Universe we find meaning and acceptance.

King Silly Billy and the Slippery Slipway

2008-07-05T17:50:00.003Z

It seems that Health and Safety applied even to King Billy.

Does my bum look big in this?

2008-07-05T17:00:00.002Z

The answer has to be YES. The fast food emporium and pizzeria is the inevitable downfall of the unsociable hours worker. When something quick is needed, and disastrously when you're hungry, the unhealthy option becomes necessity rather than choice. Couple that with comfort eating and you've a recipe for obesity. The trouble is that it tastes SO good. That could well be its attraction. Unhappiness and food seem well suited bedfellows.

I've no desire to reveal my exact weight but suffice to say it's a smidge beyond 10st. Honest! The quick way to lose the weight I need to lose would be to amputate both my legs, but even I consider this to be a touch rash. The long, painful and dull way to do it is through exercise and reduced calories, but compared with a Cheese Feast Pizza there's no real competition.

So keep watching the skies (or should that be pies?!?). If I lose any weight you'll be the firse to know.

Dead Wrong?!?

2008-06-24T17:43:00.005Z

This is Pastor Brian. Know him? Neither did I until a story broke on local Radio that Pastor Brian's Church the Elim Christian Centre in North Belfast had closed its normal Services and was running a healing Service every evening at 7:30pm. It is claimed, and bear in mind that it is only a claim, that many people have been healed from all sorts of illnesses, including chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, various orthopedic disorders, brain tumours, and even cancer.

Someone even claimed to have been brought back to life after having been clinically dead in a hospital operating theatre for 16 minutes, simply through the power of prayer. Pastor Brian was reported to have visited the CIty Morgue with the intention of resurrecting a corpse there, but so far they all remain dead.

What is happening here is mirrored by similar events in Dudley (in the UK) and in Florida. It's not original, nor is it unique. But is it helpful (never mind 'is it true!')?

I've buried more than enough, in my opinion, of people who died "before their time" (however you interpret that phrase). And tomorrow, I am doing a session as Chaplain in the Cancer Centre in the City Hospital where I will encounter approx. 15 people, all with cancer, and all at different stages - some will be there for treatment, while others will be there for palliative care. All will be hoping that their cancer will go into remission - myself included. Some may also be hoping that God will somehow intervene to 'cure' or 'take away' their cancer.

Having never had cancer myself, but having met so many who do, or sadly who did have this horrible disease, I want to be as positive as I can be without giving false hope. There are unexplained occasions when a cancer, or illness, seems to disappear. No-one seems to know why, but they do know it appears to vanish. Unfortunately this is a rare occurrence, and for every person that this happens to there are thousands for whom cancer takes its normal course. For those who experience this unexplained change in circumstances, thanksgivings are offered and God is praised, because if it is unexplained it must be a healing work of God! Sadly, this 'god of the gaps' thinking works well in these isolated experiences, but not in the wider picture. For every individual who is 'healed' there are thousands who are buried. For every healing that is shouted from the rooftops, there are thousands of named never mentioned again - yet all of them were prayed for. Foe every person 'touched by the hand of the Almighty', there are thousands, even millions, who do not apparently experience The Almighty's loving hand.

Before you proclaim that I do not believe that God heals, hold your fire! I do believe that God heals, only maybe not in the way that Traditional Theism states. The word in Greek for "healing" is also the same word for "salvation". "Jesus Saves!" can also mean "Jesus Heals!". Jesus heals us from all that would stop us seeing the truth of God in action, if only we would open our eyes.

Process Theology teaches that God is a persuasive, rather than a coercive, force - God works in EVERY situation in life to call us towards the BEST POSSIBLE outcome. Not an improbable outcome, but the best one within the boundaries of possibility. Cancer is therefore something that just happens. It is not caused by God, but neither does God 'step in' to take it away. It's up to modern medicine to try and combat cancer as best it can - sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. Cancer doesn't always = death. It really doesn't! Having a positive attitude and a determination to fight it can be beneficial, just as a negative and pessimistic attitude can have a detrimental effect on the treatment received.

In good times as well as bad; through illness as well as health; in times of joy and in times of distress, God is always with us. This idea that God is apart from us and occasionally drops into our world to perform some magic trick is so far removed from the Biblical notion of God (although there is three tiered universe posited in the Bible, but this is a cosmological rather than a theological error). You don't need to ask God to help; God already is. You don't need to go to a special Church or place to experience God; God is already beside you and within you. You don't need to confess or repent before God will help; God IS love, and God IS good.

Claims of healings and dramatic interventions are really just that - claims. They rely on an outdated understanding of the Divine that ultimately leaves people feeling worse, because statistically more will be left 'unhealed' than are magically 'healed' - it often pours out feelings of guilt ("was it an unconfessed sin?", "did I not have enough faith?" etc) or gives people a false hope ("maybe next time I'll get healed").

Pastor Brian's visit to the morgue was more to resurrect a dead faith-model than to provide evidence of God's activity in the world, or in HIS particular branch of the church. God is here now (God's never been anywhere else!) but God can only do what can be done.

Thought For The Day

2008-06-21T13:02:00.002Z

Yesterday morning, at the ungodly hour of 5:30am, my alarm clock woke me so that I could get ready to go to the BBC in Belfast for a live Thought.

It's essentially 2 mins 45 secs of talk about a topical issue with a religious, though not always so, twist to it. Sounds easy?! Getting up so early is really the easy bit. The difficult part is trying to say something relevant to people's lives, and to limit it to 450 words. It requires a lot of work and many, many rewrites and alternative drafts.

So I've four more of them to do, and each time I do a batch of these things I like to try and have an underlying theme that pervades all 5 talks. Last time it was Universalism. This time I'm going to try and tinge each talk with a bit of Process Theology.

So if you can, why not listen in each Friday at 6:55 and 7:55am. The Radio Ulster link will take you to a live streaming of it

Rocks On! You don't have to put on the last concert!

2008-06-21T12:32:00.005Z

For those of you with particularly good eyesight the tiny figure on stage holding a guitar is none other than Sting, taken with my mobile phone camera from some 100+ yards away.

Last night was The Police's first, and sadly last concert in Belfast. Around 30,000 people, mostly middle aged, shuffled their way to the Stormont Estate to see The Police on part of their 30 year anniversary tour. Even after 30 years they were not a disappointment.

They performed all the usual crowd pleasers as well as a few that only die-hard fans (not the Bruce Willis ones) would have appreciated. The sound quality was fine and the screens helped those of us in the cheap area (£64.50!!!) to get a glimpse of them in close up. Not that that was a terribly appealing prospect. Of the three members, only Sting seems to have aged well. The other two looked like they'd given their Care Assistants the slip for a couple of hours. Also, there was little chat - I know that people come to hear the songs but a bit more audience participation would've been nice, or even a few stories to put things in context. Andy Summers said nothing for the duration and there was little or no 'chemistry' on stage, though at a couple of points Sting did try to 'pal' things up, but it looked slightly contrived.

I'm so glad I went now, even though I was on my own (wasn't it Henry David Thoreau who said "a city is millions of people being lonely together"). It was well organised and my only complaint is against not those who organised it, but against those who attended. The amount of rubbish left at people's feet was appalling. Now I realise this makes me sound like a something of a moaner.........and you'd be right, but it did sort of dent my faith in humanity. How arduous is it to carry a few plastic cups to a bin. What also dented my faith in people was the person who dented me. For the last 20 mins a fat, middle-aged, drunk woman proceeded to have a conversation with her male neighbour which obliged her to throw her arm around his shoulders EVERY time it was her turn to speak. Of course, EVERY time she did this she elbowed me in the sternum. And no matter how often I took a step back she seemed to follow me. To be fair to her, for the last 5 mins she stopped hitting me with her elbow, and switched to hitting me with the handbag she'd slung over her shoulder so that she was free to dance badly.

Other than those minor things, it was an amazing night and it made me appreciate the joys of live music, especially when that music is played well. And I also now have a greater respect for Sting as a musician and a live performer. He made the night.

Vote for me, if you value your life

2008-06-14T22:08:00.003Z

As the date for the election in Zimbabwe comes closer, the political heat in that beleaguered country intensifies. Morgan Tsvangirai has been arrested for the fifth time and the political opposition to Mugabe's Zanu-PF lives in fear of their lives as beatings and death threats seem run of the mill.

The type of regime run by Mugabe seems reminiscent of the one run by Saddam in Iraq - torture, oppression, fear, poverty being the order of the day. Luckily for Mugabe there is no oil in Zimbabwe and so 'regime change' is unlikely to be pursued by the Americans.

It's funny how much of a difference oil can make to a Superpower's foreign policy. Not having any can put you very far down the list. What was once the "bread basket of Southern Africa" has now become close to the brink of starvation and its population suffers greatly. Like Saddam, Mugabe seems fueled by his own narcissism, but as he won't effect the prices at the petrol pumps in the West he's safe enough.

Selective Western interventionism is a source of anger for me, and while I appreciate that the US can't involve itself in each and every individual situation, I can't help but be cynical regarding the ones it does poke its nose into. Iraq and Afghanistan seem to be personally and commercially motivated ventures by the current US President. Darfur, Zimbabwe, and others are conveniently ignored. God appears to have forgotten to tell Bush to change the regime in Zimbabwe. Well, nobody's perfect.

See No Faith

2008-06-11T00:13:00.003Z

On Tuesday 10th June '08 Don Cupitt came over to Ireland, for pehaps his last visit, to give a lecture entitled "The Religion Of Post-Christian Ireland". To an audience of around 70-80 people he opined on the death of God and the need for a new expression of 'faith' to arise. He was essentially disassembling the notion of Classical Thesim ("honey, that's SO 18 months ago!") and suggesting that Secular Humanism is the right way forward in the 21st Century.

To my little mind, and it is very little, he wasn't stating anything particularly new - he was just stating it very well. "Modern people", he said, "aren't looking for salvation from their sins. They want to understand what has happened to us, and how we are to live in the new situation." (for a thought provoking outlook on this topic read Richard Holloway's book)

And to a degree he's right. The idea of a Fall from Perfection/Paradise and the need for Redemption comes from a pre-Modern, pre-Darwinian worldview. Now Cupitt ditches any sort of God, and I believe he's right to kick the Traditional Theistic God into touch. But I feel he goes too far. Might I suggest, as William Crawley did in the Q&A after the lecture, that Process Theology could well plough a middle ground?! It removes the logical and theological problems of Classical Theism while at the same time allowing for a personal god for those who like me don't want to send God to Coventry altogether (Process Theologians differ in their views on God, especially as to whether God can be personal or not. Opinion is divided).

I, for one, don't share Cupitt's vision of a post-Christian Ireland. But simultaneously I've no desire to see pre-Modern Christianity promoted as the only 'God' option on this island. And therefore I will continue, in my own little way, to search for a faith that relies neither on blind obedience, nor cold rationality for its expression. And to that end, may God (if She exists) have mercy on my soul.

It's all Jacobean to me!

2008-06-08T15:27:00.004Z

Verily I say unto ye that it hath come to mine attention that manys a man hast sorely refused to spake in the tongue of God Himself. Forsooth, if such a tongue as espoused by the Court of King James was good enough for ye olde days, then gadzooks, why dost not ye modern curs employ it thus?!

My apologies for the poor attempt at normal conversation in the English of the early Stuarts, but then again why should I apologise?! It's not my language! I think you get the point lol

Get Realism!

2008-06-07T12:32:00.003Z

Recently I've been discussing theological things with other people, and having theology discussed concerning me. A lot of these discussions centre around the notion that whatever is in the Bible is right, by virtue of it being in there: "God said it, and I believe it" seems the bottom line in these things. There's no place for higher criticism nor any tolerance for anyone who espouses such. The incidents of genocide, for example, is one that causes some problems especially when it comes to an understanding of the goodness and love of God. The black and white really is black and white.

As I see it, the difficulties arise because of 2 different viewpoints: nominalism vs. realism. Nominalism says that good=whatever God does, therefore if God sanctioned the slaughter in Canaan then it was, by definition, a just and good action. Realism, on the other hand, says that we humans have an innate understanding of what is good and what is evil and so we are able to discern whether an act which is attributed to God is true or not.

The conservative/progressive divide splits roughly down in this fashion. Brace yourselves! I would take the progressive line that Realism, rather than Nominalism, is the only way to go, otherwise we are left with the "do as I say, not as I do" option which grates against me. I cannot worship a God whom I don't respect ethically.

If 'Meat is Murder', is Quorn wasting Police time?

2008-06-04T07:40:00.002Z

For the last 8 months now I have returned to a vegetarian, or as it's known today, a 'meat free' diet. I was veggie for 3 years and have decided to return to it.

I do it, not for reasons of health (you just need to look at me for confirmation of that!) but for ethical reasons. Or more honestly, because I myself wouldn't have it in me to kill an animal so I've decided not to ask anyone to do it on my behalf.

I've no problem with people eating meat and would cook it if I had to - I'm not 'evangelical' about my vegetarianism. I just don't want to do it.

I suppose part of it comes from my appreciation of animals as sentient beings (to a greater or lesser degree) and the realisation that most animals, ourselves included, aren't that keen on ending up as a meal for something else. Lesser animals don't have much of a choice - you can't really expect a lion to go vegan. But we humans do have a choice. We don't have to eat meat. We can if we want to, but we're not obliged to do so, and for that reason I do not do so.

Process Theology (good old PT, my new best friend) talks about the relatedness of all live, from the ameba to the human being, and how our actions have both positive and negative consequences for those around us. Now of course, we want to minimise suffering as best we can, and we know that Nature's progression is dependent on death, but that does not mean that I myself need to contribute to it.

So to that end, I make myself the bane of any dinner party and encourage the ire of those who feel the need to cook only one meal. It's a heavy price to pay but one I'll willing to endure.

I'm back!

2008-06-04T06:52:00.006Z

After a long hiatus, and after a recent bout of gout from which I was woken early, I decided to fire up the old computer and send El Tel an email under the pseudonym Seamus Meagain. At 7:49am young Wogan read out an edited version of my slightly defamatory, and slightly crappy, gag about Hilary Clinton and Barak O'Bama. The thrill of hearing your pseudonym being read out on the wireless took me back to January 2003 when it first happened. I almost forgot about the gout. Almost!

Bluebottles, and not the good, Peter Sellers one!

2008-06-03T22:50:00.005Z

As a vegetarian I am against the killing of animals, on a purely moral (and Process) basis. However..................................

I do make an exception with regards to bluebottles. In fact, I actively encourage their slaughter. All ages should hunt them down and torture them slowly.

Why do I hate them so! I'm ashamed to say it's because they buzz randomly. They don't even try to make it to the open window I've gone to the trouble to open for them to escape through. Instead they make a dash for my ear, much to my extreme annoyance, and then zig-zag around the room in a victory roll, feeling good that they've managed to momentarily justify their pathetic existences. Which they haven't!

I recall spending a good half hour in an hermetically sealed kitchen with tea towel and a red mist in front of my eyes. The eventual slaughter was slow and deliberate. I wanted to look it straight in its 800 eyes as I crushed it beneath a sheet of kitchen roll.

Anyway. In summary, eating animals is bad, but killing bluebottles is perfectly acceptable.

The General Disassembly of the Presbyterian Church

2008-06-02T21:43:00.004Z

As I type the opening night of the Presbyterian Church in Ireland's General Assembly has been and gone, and I didn't. No change there then! One of these days I may make it along but not while I can still get out of an armchair under my own steam.

Years ago, the General Assembly was big news, taking up manys a column inch in the local papers. The Tuesday Communion would take place in May Street Church and then the Assembly members would process up to Church House, stopping traffic as they made their holy pilgrimage. The Assembly itself would be packed to the gills and each Congregation would expect their Minister to represent them during the weeks business.

But those days are well and truly gone. These days, the General Assembly is a grey affair and is usually half filled at best. It rarely makes the papers unless it debates something controversial - for 'controversial' please read 'something that normal society dealt with and got over 30 years ago'.

The sad truth is that the Presbyterian Church (as are other denominations and traditions) is becoming less and less relevant. I know that's a trite, cliched phrase, but it's true, and has been true for a number of years.

So what's the solution? No easy answers I'm afraid. The only answer I can see is through faith, providing we understand faith as being traveling forward rather than clinging on to old ways of understanding. But that's a painful road to follow because there's comfort and security in maintaining what was, even if it's in terminal decline. I love the Woody Allen line, "We've come to a crossroads in life. One direction leads to hopeless despair, the other to annihilation. We can only pray for God's guidance" (or something like that).

It's not going to be easy but we, as a denomination, may need to go in altogether new and exciting ways if we're to survive. Otherwise it'll be like being the owner of a sick goldfish - all you can do is watch helplessly and wait for the inevitable.

Here Comes The Sun (do do do do)

2008-06-01T19:56:00.004Z

What a beautiful last fews days we've had here in Ulster! The sunshine has been wonderful, and SO warm. Some days the temperature got up to nearly 20C! And I'm not joking.

Good weather does something magical to the people of Northern Ireland. It brings them out on the streets (not a great thing in our recent past) and into the parks. With the first blink of sunshine the usually shy Ulsterman and woman dons shorts and flip flops and heads for the queue at the nearest overpriced Ice Cream Van.

The sun brings out the best in people. People are friendlier and keener to chat to complete strangers. Parks and green areas are utilised as they should be. The early evening air carries the pungent smell of hastily incinerated meat products. And everyone's arms, legs and face reek of coconut oil - factor 50 for the red heads amongst us.

If only the last were true! So unused to the sun are we, that with every rise of one degree in temperature there is a equivalent exposure of five inches squared of pasty flesh. And there's where the problem is. With so little sun on offer, especially during our Summer, the temptation is to soak up as many rays as you can before it disappears forever.

Skin cancer is a problem in Ireland, both North and South, for that very reason. We just don't realise the power of the sun and its potential effect on us here. At the moment there is a great drive towards protecting the environment and respecting Nature, and rightly so. But sometimes we forget that we're part of nature too. We too need protecting. We too need to make sure we're around for our children and grandchildren. We too need to enjoy the sunshine sensibly so that in years to come we can enjoy the sunshine.

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy reminds us of our ape ancestry

2008-05-30T22:11:00.009Z

Ask someone what is their favourite part of the body and you will get a number of responses consisting of the usual suspects. Very few, I imagine, will cite their feet and their 'best bit'. And with little surprise. Feet are not the most attractive part of a human being's body. Mine are particularly repulsive.

Though what interests me concerning feet are the toenails. Just what are they for?! They seem to provide no apparent purpose other than to get long and tear holes in the end of the socks.

What they seem to be is a glimpse into the past - a snapshot of who we were some millions of years ago. Our feet possess five digits each, much like our hands. Our feet possess nails at the tips, much like our hands. When our nails (toe and finger) become long they remind us of claws similar to the claws on other mammals.

Are our toenails simply a redundant remnant from a time when we walked on four limbs? When we became bipedal the need for rear claws disappeared but the nails remained. Is that not the simplest explanation?! Does it not comply with the requirements of Ockham's razor (as opposed to Ken Ham's one)?!

I came to this conclusion not through reading scientific journals or attending conferences, but by simple observation and curiosity. Toenails seemed such strange and (no pun intended) pointless things. There must be an explanation. Saying they are 'designed' begs the question "are they actually a design fault". It makes more sense to trace them back to other animals.

And while we're on it, why do I have to shave everyday? Or to put it another way, why do I have hair all over my body? As I am carried kicking and screaming into middle age I find more and more hair appearing in all sorts of places. Not only is it on my arms, legs and chest (and the other place, and by that I'm not referring to the House of Lords) but in my ears and up my nose. Now, having recently been to the zoo I noticed that apes don't just have human-like faces, but are also covered with a lot of body hair.

Just as toenails and fingernails are a remnant of the past, so too the fine coating of hair we all have is again a throwback to our common ape ancestor. So on that note, once you've finished grooming me, pass that banana or I'll go ape!

Do bacteria feel the need to drink Yakult?

2008-05-29T07:46:00.014Z

As possibly stated before, I have no training in Science apart from a couple of obligatory years in school. Therefore, I am fully aware that any thoughts or opinions I may have about the subject could be well off the mark, and so I'm more than happy to be corrected if wrong.

We know there are such things as 'good bacteria' - the kind that aid digestion and generally keep the body in some sort of balance, as claimed by the various pro-biotic drinks that are available. We also know that the world belongs to bacteria, in that they are the most populous life form on this planet and they live everywhere, even in the most inhospitable places.

So we know that there are good and bad bacteria, and we know that they are a life form. So according to the Creationists at some point during those first 6 days (it's not mentioned or even hinted at in the Genesis account) God must have created them: "and on the fifth day God said, 'Let there be bacteria', and God saw that they were good".

Then, again according to the Creationists interpretation of Genesis, the Fall happened (not the Band I hasten to add) and everything went sour. Evil and sickness polluted the world and death occurred etc, etc.

Now, if bacteria are life forms, and if God created every life form to be good and perfect, and if the consequences of the Fall led to sickness and death, then it should be possible to witness bacteria becoming ill. After all (or should that be 'after Fall') they are living things, and every living thing, according to Creationists, is subject to the consequences of Sin.

And not only that, just as people, other living things affected by the Fall, can become ill and then restored to health, shouldn't it be possible to cure bacteria and restore them to health?

The Chances Of Any Mars Rover Working On Mars, Is A Million To One They Said...

2008-05-28T22:52:00.006Z

And so YET ANOTHER Mars Rover has made it to the Red Planet. Hopefully this one will do its job, which I believe is to try and answer conclusively that question regarding whether there was ever life there.

People, both scientists and Believers (Christian, not X-Files) wait with baited breath to see what it will find.

For the scientists, the discovery of life, no matter how simple, will open up the debate on whether we are truly alone in the Universe or not. Indeed, the finding of life on Mars will only add further weight to what was previously statistical flimsy.

For religious believers, the discovery of life will only add to their headache - you know, the one that started when Darwin first got published. If there was life on Mars then the chances are vastly increased that there might be life, life very much like our own, somewhere in the vastness of space. If there are creatures similar to us out there does that mean that there is more than one Jesus, or did Jesus' work here on Earth cover all other potentialities? Any positive discovery will force many religious people to rethink issues of faith, especially with regards to soteriology.

War, huh, good God, what it is good for.... $1,000 billion annually apparently

2008-05-28T22:03:00.008Z

"More than 100 nations have reached an agreement on a treaty which would ban current designs of cluster bombs.

Diplomats meeting in Dublin agreed to back an international ban on the use of the controversial weapons following 10 days of talks.

But some of the world's main producers and stockpilers - including the US, Russia and China - oppose the move"

So reported the BBC

When I was a kid, during the Cold War, there was always talk about a new type of bomb that was designed in such a way to kill humans but leave buildings intact. It was the epitome of efficiency. Why develop a bomb that will blow everything around it to smithereens, because when you've won the war you'll only need to spend your hard earned cash rebuilding the place you tried, and succeeded, to blow to bits. In a strange way there was a sort of logic to it. It made a certain amount of sense.

In the oddest of reversals this desire for efficiency was born in an era of wasteful consumerism. These days, when all of us are conscious of our carbon footprints and consequently are wiping for a solid minute or more on the ecological door mat before we come in, the 21st century warmongers have a casual attitude to their military ordinance.

The first Gulf War in 1991 hailed the pinpoint accurate laser guided bomb as the future of warfare. Cluster bombs, on the other hand, are designed to be wasteful. They spread their deadly cargo over a wide area, hoping to hit a number of targets, but not that bothered if they don't. And then they just lie there. A gleaming, shiny little time bomb, waiting until someone innocently stumbles across it, or some toddler picks it up. Once they do, the cluster bomblet ceases to be wasteful.

There are currently estimated to be some 3 billion cluster munitions held in stockpiles throughout the world (these cluster bombs come in 210 different varieties). The US, Russia, and China are the three countries that are most resistant to ending the production of these weapons. I wonder why?!? There's nothing that eases the sting from a credit crunch more effectively than a few more millions made from the sale of cluster ordinance. With the credit crunch you may lose your home. With cluster bombs you may lose your home and your life.

It seems strange that America, which houses the highest concentration of Christians (in all the various hues and shades) is also the keenest to continue the manufacture and sale of these truly dreadful weapons. Whatever happened to "love your enemies"?! They certainly love them - love them to pieces!

Part of being a Christian, in my humble opinion, is trying to harmonise all the different aspects of your life, rather than compartmentalising the spiritual/religious into one box, and having work, family, social, etc in other boxes. Christianity should not simply be concerned with what I believe on a Sunday - beliefs are a cheap form of currency and prone to drastic inflation. Rather, Christianity should seep through every aspect of my life, including things like how I spend my money.

With George Dubbya Bush not afraid to vocalise his religious convictions, it would be nice to see those convictions influencing the arms trade and American foreign policy.

It's Really A Matter Of Degrees

2008-05-27T22:47:00.007Z

On the news today I noticed that a hero of mine, Sir Paul McCartney, was awarded an honorary degree from Yale University in the U.S. Nothing desperately unusual about that, after all he's been a massive influence in the world of music for some 46 years now. He can now refer to himself as "Dr" Paul McCartney as Yale found fit to award him an honorary Doctorate in Music, but may well avoid using the title as he didn't do the work required to earn the degree.

My own denomination, the Presbyterian Church, has a proud tradition of having a well educated clergy. Apart from the obligatory 3 year Theology degree that each one has to undertake, a reasonable number go on to do further study, usually in the form of a Masters or a Doctorate. This is a big commitment for those who do as each degree is normally pursued in a part-time capacity. This doubles the time taken to achieve it and is a drain on an individuals time and financial resources, but is no doubt a source of achievement and pride when attained.

However, there are a few among our ranks who choose to try and short circuit the process by getting their post-graduate degrees from so-called "diploma mills" - unaccredited and unrecognised organisations which churn out 'qualifications' for a fraction of the price in a fraction of the time normally taken. I know of one man who lists his qualification as including 3 Doctorates (a PhD, ThD, and D.Litt). However the 'Seminary' cited has been revealed to be an unaccredited organisation that was run from a certain gentleman's front living room. No faculty, no teaching, no supervision, and a 20 minute viva that ends the question "Do you believe what you've written brother?"

Now, why do I highlight such a thing? If Paul McCartney, and others who have received honorary degrees, don't go around pretending they've earned them why do certain members of the church parade degrees obtained from diploma mills as if they were legitimate?

To proclaim you have qualifications that in reality a normal University would laugh out of the building does two things:

it demeans the degrees that genuine people have worked hard to earn
it brings the Church into disrepute

The Church has a big enough credibility gap without its own members parading round like peacocks (without the 'pea') with degrees issued by Disneyland!

Too much Scotch for the Scots?!?

2008-05-26T22:28:00.004Z

Today was the return of the BBC's Springwatch programme, and much like the return of TB there was a bit of Press interest.

Settling down to see the final half hour of it reminded me of why Autumnwatch is still a slightly repressed memory in the back of my head. Now don't get me wrong! I DO like it. The footage of the birds and animals is both charming and fascinating, without a doubt. What gets me is when there's nothing to show. It's like watching one of those 24hr news channels desperately trying to justify a 'live at the scene' broadcast when there's nothing to show and no-one to speak to.

Animals are great. They just do what they do, when they want to do it. They're not interested in live feeds (of the TV kind anyway) or tightly organised schedules. They're just not prepared to play to the camera. What makes it interesting is watching the other animals, the presenters, trying to make a big screen of nothing look and sound like unmissable telly.

Tonight, Simon King tried to whip the home viewing audience into a frenzy of fauna excitement by recounting the time earlier on when he didn't film a Scottish Wildcat. You heard me right! He talked us through how they didn't see a Scottish Wildcat, but we did get to see the rather rare glimpse of a branch wobbling. Riveting.

For those of you who can't be arsed tuning in to see if the branch moves again, I quickly Googled an image of a Scottish Wildcat, and just to make it interesting I've also included a tabby cat. Can you tell the difference?

Answers on an e-card.

Beauty is in the eye of the My Pictures folder

2008-05-26T21:35:00.004Z

Forget famine. Forget wars and cruelty. Forget AIDS and cancer. Forget poverty and deprivation. Forget all these things. Don't we live on a wonderful looking planet!

All the bad things aside, we are surrounded by the greatest beauty and majesty in the form of nature. And whether you're into the mountains or the shore, the forests or the plains, narrow country lanes or huge expanses of greenery, our little world can bring you all the nature you want, and then some.

Recently I was in Delamont Country Park, close to Downpatrick. It was a beautiful day and the company was good. It's hard not to enjoy such a setting and as I was walking along one of the prescribed routes (the Garden walk if you're interested) it suddenly hit me that I was not the only living thing there. Sounds daft, but we can all be egocentric now and again. Around me, and mostly unseen, were a dearth of animals and insects - some cute and cuddly, others not so much. And even without the 4+ legged critters I was enveloped by trees on both sides of me. Don't ask me what kind of trees they were. The green kind, I think. These massive edifices of bark and leaf were literally breathing the breath I needed - creating the oxygen that was giving life to all around them.

No longer was I The Only Living Boy In Delamont (my apologies to Paul Simon). I was but one of many, many living things in that park. And all of us 2, 4, 6 and 8 footed beings were deeply indebted to the trees around us. We relied on them for life.

Process Thought gives much weight to the relatedness of all things. Often, in the past, I have been guilty of believing that the world and everything in it was the property of human beings. It was a belief that came from my evangelical past, and especially of my reading of the Bible. Back then, I considered Man and Woman as the pinnacle of creation. The world was created for us, to be used by us in whatever way we thought fit. Everything in it was therefore to be considered suitable for human 'consumption'. Sadly, it is this type of thinking that has got us to where we are today - on the point of destruction. If only it were self destruction for us humans, but tragically we plan to take around 60% of all species with us.

Now, with Process in mind, I can see that we're all related: all dependent on each other. If God is in all things, as pantheism suggests, then to treat nature with disdain is to treat God with disdain. All very sandal wearing and tree hugging I know, but thought provoking, for me, nonetheless.

Hardly the Consummate Professionals

2008-05-25T17:20:00.006Z

Memory is a strange thing. When I was younger I used to live for The Professionals. Messers Bodie and Doyle were, for me, the epitome of cool. I suppose I'd have been around 10 years old. The car chases, the gun fights, the high drama, the babes (whatever they were - at age 10 women just spoil a good story) were the highlight of an evenings viewing. Starsky and Hutch were great too, but they were Yanks. The Professionals were home grown. It proved that leather jackets could cross the Atlantic with ease.

As a kid I never missed it - well, you couldn't! VCRs were a thing of the future. Sitting here now, in 2008, watching re-runs of it on ITV4, I wonder what it was that attracted me in the first place. I put it down to the naivety of youth. The stories are laughable. The acting 2D. The attitudes distinctly non-PC (and non-Mac for that matter). Stereotypes abound, both racial and gender, and 'being a man' is defined in the throwing of a punch or the pulling of a trigger.

Before settling down to watch I was excited. That was soon replaced by horror. It was awful. No, more than that. It was utter shite! I recall exactly the same feeling upon catching sight of old re-runs of Carla Lane's "Butterflies".

People who say "things were much better in the old days!" are really saying to you that their memory is completely shot, please help them. I can't remember who said, "Nostalgia.........it's not what it used to be" but they hit the nail on the head. Our memories of the past are not simply rose tinted, they stink of lavender too.

When it comes to Church and general morality we all suffer from defective memory. People were nicer back then. Faith was stronger. Doctrines were purer. Everyone knew their place, and you could leave all your doors, windows and drawers wide open without fear of dodgy doings occurring.

The trick ,I suppose, is not to hold onto the past, even if our memories resemble some sort of reality. The trick might be to plough forward into the future, whatever it may bring. To take the plunge, to walk in faith, into situations and experiences that will be nothing like our recollections of the past, but will have their value in that very fact. Maybe the cry will no longer be "do you remember how good it was in the past" but, "how good is it now?!" Until it does, I will continue to watch Bodie and Doyle with my jaw on the floor.

Fangs for that piece of information

2008-05-25T13:18:00.005Z

It's amazing where knowledge comes from! Last week, while watching Channel 5, I came across a programme from Dorset's 'Monkey World' - an organisation that helps apes and monkeys from around the world.

I learnt one thing and I had another thing confirmed.

What was confirmed was just how 'human' monkeys and apes are. Seeing them interact socially and viewing their different personalities told me that in real terms we humans are not THAT different. They, the monkeys, seem to have the same difficulties as we do 'getting on' with others and monkey society falls prey to the same petty jealousies and conflicts that "sophisticated" human cultures and societies do. It's amazing to observe.

But the thing I really learnt revolved around a woman who was looking after a baby monkey (can't remember exactly what type). She was fretting because the little bleeder wasn't taking on liquids, or something like that. Then she commented that the wee thing was teething and probably didn't feel much like eating because he was uncomfortable in the gob region.

Having a little 17 month old 'monkey' myself, and seeing the effects of teething I was shocked. This is, of course, me being completely naive, and I suppose arrogant. I had presumed that all other animals were born with a complete set of gnashers and that it was only humans who had to grow their own.

Again, it got me to thinking just how close we really are to our primate cousins, and to appreciate all that separates us from them.

Planning to be unsure

2008-05-25T09:34:00.000Z

Recently I was reading another blog (yes brave reader, I need to tell you that there are other blogs apart from this oasis of profundity) which was talking about the Reformation. As you might expect it was drenched in cliche and tedium. One person made a comment saying, "God had planned the Reformation for 1,500 years" or something akin to it.

It raised the question of life being planned out. When I was a bright eyed young Fundamentalist the passage from Jeremiah was oft quoted during difficult times: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This is supposed to give the hearer a feeling of security and comfort - life has been planned out for us. The good times are God's blessing, and the bad times are there for a reason.

Life experience teaches you many things. Sometimes we learn from experience, and sometimes we fail to learn the lessons we need to learn. Sometimes life is good and sometimes it's bad. A real no brainer I realise, but still needs to be said.

To decide that life is all planned out for us may well be a comforting thought - it removes the unpleasantness from existential angst - but it creates its own set of difficulties. For a start, free will goes to the dogs. If my life is planned, then how can I be morally responsible for my actions?! Weren't they all planned?!

The evangelical response is usually that there is a plan for us but we are free to divert along the way. Things go pear shaped, it is argued, because we stray from the plan and formulate our own.

My problem with this is that it seems to deny the interventionist nature of an omnipotent, omniscience God that is so central to the evangelical understanding of the Divine.

As I understand it, life is life. Things happen. Shit happens. Cyclones ravage countries. Earthquakes destroy cities. Children die of starvation in Birmingham in 21st century Britain. To claim they were all part of some divine plan is to depict God as some sort of cosmic bastard. Christian's explanations as to why these terrible things occur only seem to muddy the water, or make things worse: they're all designed to bring comfort, to bring a sense of security, to stop us from going insane trying to contemplate the sheer senselessness of it.

Life is not planned out. It just happens. End of. Process Theology gives me comfort, not because it tells me that God is "in control", but because it says that God suffers with us. And not only that, it tells me that God is calling us to better the world that we live in. The Reformation happened because events at the time helped it to come about. The kid in Birmingham died because her parents were criminally neglectful. The earthquake happened because of faults in the Earth's crust. Not some great plan mapping out what happens whether good or evil.

Up to his neck in the Brown stuff

2008-05-23T22:50:00.002Z

What a week it's been! What a week to be anyone other than Gordon Brown. "10p tax band for your thoughts", many a backbencher has shouted to him.

What must poor old Gordon be thinking at this moment in his increasingly shaky looking career post Crewe by-election. And what a career it is. It is careering off the rails as each week passes by.

To be Gordon and not to be desperately bitter must be a tricky thing indeed. He waited ten long years to be PM, and when he finally stepped over the threshold of number 10 for the first few months he was not allowed to bend over to tie his shoelaces because his people feared the public might be blinded by all that direct and powerful sunlight.

But that was all too short-lived. Pretty soon the Special Relationship gave us the global credit crunch and then a home grown crisis was spawned via the removal of the 10p tax band which endeared Mr Brown to almost no-one on the Labour backbenches.

All very political and all very boring. But is there a religious spin to all this?

The only spiritual/Christian slant I can see within all this is to do with how we handle disappointment in life. I'm not sure how I'd react if I were in Gordon Brown's shoes and to be truthful we don't really know his innermost thoughts on the matter - what lies behind the rather dour facade?

Bitterness and anger are common responses to the sense of unfairness or injustice that many of us experience in life. We can do 2 things with this bitterness.

we can repress it which takes us straight to the Shrink's couch or to the front of the queue in Coronary Care, or
we can channel it into positive action

Life is basically unfair. There I've said it! I hope you were sitting down when you read this. Not that good things and bad things don't happen to us all at different stages in our lives, because they do. What I mean is that in the bigger picture injustice makes a house call at everyone's home at some point.

The question is, how do we handle it? Rage against God?! Rage against the world?! Rage against ourselves?! Unfocused rage, aimed at whoever, inevitably turns inward and becomes destructive. Rage that is converted into positive action can be a powerful force in the world.

The Bible says "in your anger do not sin". What I think this means is that directionless anger can often become sinful, i.e. self focused and egotistical. However, anger that strives to change and transform what is unfair and unjust leads us not into sin, but into the very heart of God.

Earthquake shakes Faith

2008-05-22T12:02:00.000Z

No-one could fail to have been moved by the horrific events in China recently. For many people the initial reaction to such an event is one of compassion. Once a few days have past and the shock subsides the next reaction is one of outrage - "if God exists then how could something like this be allowed to happen!?"

This is a perfectly reasonable question for the theist or agnostic to ask: the atheist might not raise it as a question they ask themselves but rather a question they ask of theists. In religious terms it is the perennial fly in the ointment that constantly threatens to derail the God train.

To be short and too the point this has been a question that has always caused my problems. The problem is with the materials the classical theist has to work with:

God is love
God is omniscient
God is omnipotent

All of the above cannot seem to exits together at the same time. At least one part must give way in the light of evil. Consequently,

God is not loving
God is unaware of certain things
God doesn't act either because he can't or won't

Certain corners of Christendom would bite the bullet and declare that God is Sovereign and therefore controls all events. This is a difficult one for many people, Christians included, to accept and it does paint God as being rather capricious and nasty in character. As I said, for some people this just something that has to be accepted because to reject it would cause the instability in Faith.

I can't buy into this and it has led to many awkward moments in my own faith life. There's no easy way round it, but there is a way round it!

But it is a journey that is both painful and costly and requires real faith. The 'answer' as far as I can see it, requires a shift in perspective. It's like a mountaineer who climbs the same peak time after time. At the top he looks down on his town - a town he thinks he knows very well. One day he decides to try a different mountain. The one he wants to ascend is higher than his usual one. There are steeper inclines and dangerous rocky outcrops that look too tricky to overcome. Nevertheless, he takes a deep breath and begins his climb. It is as difficult as he first thought, but once he finds his stride the climb becomes steadily easier and even enjoyable near the end. He reaches the peak and looks down. It's the same town, without a doubt, but he's seeing it in a completely new way. There are certain parts that he recognises from his past climbs, but there are also some new and exciting things he didn't realise were part of his town. He stands and stares, completely awestruck.

That new mountain top is Process Theology.

From what I'm learning about Process Theism, the classical view of God (as outlined in the above bullet points) is woefully inadequate for 21st Century life. Rather than being an external, supreme Being that exists apart from the natural world, Process Theism (or PT) sees God as being involved in each and every moment of life. Is is akin to Panentheism (God in all things) as opposed to Pantheism (God is all things), and sees God as essentially persuasive rather than coercive - God never forces us to do anything and instead calls us to the best possible outcome in any given situation.

This is why it's a difficult climb to make at the start. Initially you have to ditch notions of omniscience and omnipotence and as they've been part and parcel of theistic thinking since the birth of religion this is a demanding thing to achieve. It's a bit like putting Granny into a Home - probably for the best but emotionally draining none the less.

With regards to the earthquake in China, PT contends that bad things, like earthquakes, just happen: it's part of life. God did not cause it, and neither did God fail to prevent it from happening, because God is persuasive rather than coercive. God works within every situation trying to get the best possible outcome (and the important word here is possible). There are no miracles in PT that fall into the 'normal' understanding of miracle - i.e. a divine intervention that alters natural laws. God is in every situation, no matter how bleak it is, and God suffers when we suffer.

It's an answer, but it's not an easy answer, because it removes from us the security of 'knowing' that "someone up there is looking out for us".

For more on Process and Faith or you can Wikipedia it

Are you making a monkey out of me?!

2008-05-21T20:50:00.001Z

Is it just me, or is Ken Ham, arch enemy of Evolution, actually its greatest advocate (albeit unknowingly)?

Now you tells me there's nothing in it! Eh!!

First things first

2008-05-21T19:37:00.000Z

Are we alone? Good.

Now that I've got you on my own I can reveal my deepest thoughts and feelings - especially about religion.

My agenda is not to post an apologetic for a particular point of view, but rather to note my own reflections, in a free form sort of way (i.e. grammatically messy). They will be based partly on news events, partly on my own circumstances, and partly on random thoughts.

It'll happen when it happens as I'm fairly fickle around these types of things. But, hey, come back soon. You might like/hate what you read.

As a reward for reading thus far (God bless your lengthy attention span) I'm going to include a beautiful picture, not of myself of course, but of planet Earth, a little known rock I like to call home.